We All Saw It Coming
by The Dementors Dinner Party
Summary: In another universe, Sirius was freed in Harry's 3rd year. But not like you thought he would. And there is an understatement about a very well known fact. Sirius Black is completely off his rocker.


**I do not own Harry Potter. J.K Rowling does and she's amazing. This is just a FANfiction about Sirius off his rocker.**

Harry Potter was raised by the Dursleys and all but when he was 13, Pettigrew was caught and tossed into prison and Sirius was freed. And his mind is not always in the right place. So one morning in the Great Hall, fifth year Harry was with his friends and an owl came to him. Sirius' owl. The letter dropped on the table and Harry raised an eyebrow and picked it up. He opened it and read:

 _Dear Harry,_

 _Code Mr and Mrs Prongs._

 _Sirius._

Harry gaped at it. What? Alright, Mr Prongs was Harry's dad and Mrs Prongs was Harry's mum...so what does he mean?

"Hermione?" Harry asked.

"Yes," Hermione said.

"Can you tell me what Code Mr and Mrs Prongs is?"

She stopped with eggs halfway to her mouth and looked at Harry for a few moments to see any signs of joking and then asked "What?"

"Sirius sent me a letter. He says Dear Harry, Code Mr and Mrs Prongs, Sirius."

Hermione put her fork on her plate and said "Harry. I might be top student, but your godfather has lost his mind. I can't understand his language."

"Sirius has not totally lost his mind! He's just not adjusting well to being out of a horrible prison full of his worst memories and now he's surrounded by people he thought he'd never seen again!" Harry shouted "Merlin, Hermione, how many times should I remind you he's. NOT. Mad!"

"Harry. You told me after you met him in third year, after Sirius came to Hogwarts with 20 kittens for McGonagall, claiming it's hers a week after we met him, a month after we met him, beating up Ron, claiming Ron stole his castle, 50 factories of Pringles, 200 cows, 10 girlfriends and his godson. Then you told me again when Sirius ran into the Great Hall at Halloween, shouting abuse at Snape for stealing his cookies and his Halloween costume, saw you, pointed at you and said 'why are you 13?' and running out, shouting about how he didn't see you become a 13 year old and then when when we were in Hogsmeade, he asked Madam Rosmerta if she was his mother and when we walked in, looked at you and shouted James and saw me and shouted Lily and saw Ron and shouted Voldemort's son, Walburga! Then when we climbed off the train, he was standing there with the Weasleys and saw you and said that the Dursleys won't hurt you anymore and you had to stay with Ron because nobody knew where the Dursleys were and eventually they were found in Grimmauld Place because Sirius said so.

"Then when we were at the World Cup, Sirius went there dressed like a ghost. He was only under that sheet with eyes cut into the head and said he thought this was a dress up party. Then when the death eaters attacked, he knocked one out by punching him in the face very, very, very hard and painted him like a unicorn while we were all running away from the threat. And then he knocked another one out stole his wallet, acting like a criminal. Eventually, Mr Weasley stunned Sirius and we all portkey'd away. And when you were chosen as a champion, he ran in, yelling at Dumbledore and came up with that absurd tale that the Goblet of Fire was drinking way too much Firewhiskey and he had a hangover so he just spit out random names so Fleur Delecour wasn't suppose to compete and they should kill her right away if that problem has to be solved. And then when you were fighting that dragon, he cheered for the dragon and that it could win. I asked him why he was cheering for the dragon and he said that he didn't see any human life down there so he had to cheer for something. When I pointed you out he asked if you were a midget. I told him that you were just small for your age and then he went on and on about how Jackie Chan would give the dragon a peace of his mind and that he knows Jackie Chan from school. And we won't ever forget the time when you announced that Voldemort has returned. He started screaming and jumped onto Snape and then McGonagall and over the stands and ran away, screaming 'no, a dead body, I'm only 17'. Then he saw Mad Eye changing into the imposter and started screaming and jumped through the window, screaming cooties."

"I suppose he has...a few problems," Harry said.

"A few?" Ron asked "Hermione has a point, mate. The only reason St Mungo's isn't keeping him is that some people think he might still have a chance. And the problem is, those people who thought that is only one person."

"I can't be the only one that hasn't lost faith in Sirius, can I?"

"Harry…" Hermione said "Dumbledore has given up hope."

"For the last time! He isn't-"

"SNAPPY!" A voice came from the Great Hall door and Sirius burst through it, wearing a wedding dress and lipstick.

"-mad," Harry finished.

Sirius ran to him and said "HELLO, DEAR HUSBAND! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! I'M SIRIUS SNAPE!" And he screamed like a girl and hugged Snape, who was crimson red from annoyance "AND WE EVEN HAVE A SON!" He ran to Harry and pulled him out of his seat and toward Snape "This is your daddy, Harry!"

Harry just gaped. Code Mr and Mrs Prongs? Hell, Sirius has lost his mind. Snape looked fit to burst. And just when he thought things couldn't get worse, Sirius kissed Snape fully on the lips and the entire hall screamed in disgust. Alright...there must be at least 5% hope for Sirius…

Right?

 **THE END.**

 _Thanks for reading! Review please!_

 _\- The Dementors Dinner Party._


End file.
